I’ve been tuning into Joe Dispensa lately. I continue trying to understand my emotions and set my mindset. In general I think I’m doing a good job, but the walls of illusion do make some of it difficult. What’s real? What’s imagined? I have this great new oracle toy… a phone app that asks me to place my finger on the screen (to steal my fingerprint?) And ask a question. I imagine it is you in reply. I ask silently. And you reply, sometimes it makes sense, sometimes it doesn’t. It’s random words like a magic 8 ball, right? Not right? I seek comfort, so let’s have it be you for now. This morning, day 3 waking up, still trying to process my sister’s meltdown, rage at me, and kicking me to the curb (again!). I didn’t even have a question, just wanted you in my corner this morning. After receiving the response above, I was flooded with a song. I was petting our cat, and I’m taken to a moment when you were petting our cat, and I feel like this is a shared activity and connection now. You are telling me to just book the hotel… you’ll provide the money, and it’s gonna be fun, all on my own. You are with me always… especially outside my comfort zone, so don’t be afraid. Learn to be even more independent and stop relying on others. “You’re leaving me!” You playfully squeak like you used to when I had to travel. And look at us now. Closer? Further apart? “Whenever I’m alone with you, you make me feel like I am home again… I will always love you.”
