It’s hard to do this today. I put on headphones and close my eyes. I am able to quiet my thoughts but no door, no space. I heard the words Bora Bora and see an expanse of white sand and shallow clear water and blue sky, but just a glimpse. I wait and ask to speak to you… and I feel like you take my hand and try to pull me away on a journey. I ask to see you and again maybe I get a little glimpse but it’s hard to see today. Then I notice I can “see” things without pictures.
Another voice comes through. It’s your grandpa! He’s the second one you saw on arrival to the other side and he is loving. I see his smiling face come through just a little. “Hi, this is grandpa” it sounds just like his voice from the answering machine, but younger and older visions of him are coming in and out of view. My eyes fill with tears. He is pure love and still watches over me and the girls. He hears me say good morning and good night to his grandfather clock standing watch in our living room, when I turn the chimes off and on. He appreciates me remembering him like this, and caring for the clock.
I sense our deceased cat coming through, but it’s brief and she walks away.
I tell you I miss you and I resist this new life. You say I can join you now permanently, but you don’t think that’s right for me. I ask to see as object, as the author suggests, and I am shown a shark tooth necklace at a particular angle (5 o’clock). Why?
Another beach every day. You don’t care about air conditioners, where I live or work, or what things cost. It’s too worldly for you now. I understand you found your parents who crossed over too, and you and your dad talk for hours like you used to.
My departed father’s presence comes into view. He states, “I’m sorry, nothing personal, it’s just business,” and I sense he doesn’t regret not helping me and my sisters more. It’s just business. Yes, he admired us, but his journey was not to help us.
Yesterday, when my eyes were wide open in a yoga class, I could see flashes of you in my mind, the 20-something-year old you that I met in college. I felt your joyful presence and vibrancy. I sensed you were sad to die alone, but got over it quickly.